Archives for category: Comparison

Note to self: Next time you’re on the comparison road to hell, go to a park, sit under a tree, pull up this article, and read.

The Path of Contentment

We start out in life thinking that we’re awesome. We can dance in public as 5-year-olds, and not care what others think of us. By the time we’re adults, that’s been driven out of us, by peers and parents and the media and embarrassing situations.

As adults, we doubt ourselves. We judge ourselves badly. We are critical of our bodies, of ourselves as people, of our lack of discipline, of all our faults. We don’t like our lives.

As a result, we try to improve this lacking self, try to get better because we suck so much. Or, we doubt our ability to get better, and are very unhappy. Or we sabotage our attempts at change, because we don’t really believe we can do it.

This self-dislike results in worse relationships, a stagnant career, unhappiness with life, complaints about everything, and often unhealthy habits like eating junk food, drinking too much alcohol, not exercising, shopping too much, being addicted to video games or the Internet.

So what’s the path to being content with yourself and your life?

The first problem is if you don’t trust yourself. That’s an important area to work with.

Your relationship with yourself is like your relationship with anyone else. If you have a friend who is constantly late and breaking his word, not showing up when he says he will, eventually you’ll stop trusting that friend. It’s like that with yourself, too. It’s hard to like someone you don’t trust, and it’s hard to like yourself if you don’t trust yourself.

So work on this trust with yourself (I give some practical steps in the bottom section below). Increase it slowly, and eventually you’ll trust yourself to be awesome.

The second problem is that you judge yourself badly. You compare yourself to an unreal ideal, in all areas. You want a beautiful model’s body. You want to achieve certain goals, personally and professionally. You want to travel the world and learn languages and learn a musical instrument and be an amazing chef and have an amazing social life and the perfect spouse and kids and incredible achievements and be the fittest person on the planet. Of course, those are completely realistic ideals, right?

And when we have these ideals, we compare ourselves to them, and we always measure up badly.

The path to contentment, then, is to stop comparing ourselves to these ideals. Stop judging ourselves. Let go of the ideals. And gradually learn to trust ourselves.

Read on for the practical steps.

– A Guide To Practical Contentment by Leo Babauta

I’ve been attending services at the Mt. Arahat Baptist Church in Pittsburgh, where Rev. Dr. William H. Curtis is pastor. I am drawn to the universal messages of service, humility, grace, compassion, and so forth. I find if you replace the words God or Jesus with destiny and/or karma, the message is the same as those advanced in Jainism.

One day, the service was on James 3:13. The passage reads as follows:

James 3:13
Who is wise and understanding among you? Let them show it by their good life, by deeds done in the humility that comes from wisdom.

The pastor asked the congregation, if you could ask God for just one gift right now, what would you ask for? He said he would ask for wisdom. (Or did he say James asked for wisdom? I can’t remember. Either way, instead of riches, good health, beauty or strength, what would be asked for would be wisdom).

The pastor then went on to describe the effects of wisdom. One of the characteristics of wisdom is how it alters your behavior for the long haul, and not just over the short run. One who is wise demonstrates wise and humble attributes that are typical of them as a person, not just a momentary display of humility. Another sign of wisdom is the ability to do favors for others – for people who cannot do favors for me – because I acknowledge that I am full of good favor that God has given to me.

Anyone who knows me knows I’m plagued by the comparison bug, always comparing myself to others — characteristics, accomplishments, and so on. So, the bit I liked best was when the pastor mentioned that if one has wisdom, then there is no bitter jealousy. One realizes that God has blessed others with certain attributes and gifts, and with wisdom, one cannot be jealous of the benefits God has given to someone else.

And that is a great lesson to start 2013 — Happy New Year!